Burnout Recovery: Why Saying Yes Was Breaking Me
Josie's name and identifying details have been changed to protect her privacy. Her experience of professional burnout recovery, her insights, and her words are shared with permission.
Halfway into one of our sessions, Josie paused thoughtfully and said "I'm like a marshmallow". Too squishy. I absorb everything. I have no shape of my own."
It was a perfect image. And it was breaking her.
Josie came to see me after she was signed off work sick two weeks earlier. She's a Project Manager at a large corporate organisation. The person everyone leans on, the one who coordinates across departments, solves the unsolvable and smooths over tension. She’s “the fixer”, “the problem solver”. Josie has a strong marriage, close friendships, a job she's good at. But professional burnout had caught up with her, and no amount of competence could mask it anymore. If you're struggling with work stress, overwhelm, and the inability to set boundaries at work, Josie's story might feel familiar.
The answer wasn't just about what she believed about herself. It was also about a system that had learned to exploit exactly that belief.
Perfectionism and Burnout: Understanding Why High-Achievers Struggle
Josie was an only child of high-achieving parents. Early on, she learned something fundamental: her worth depended on what she could manage. Of course this included managing tasks. But also, other people's feelings.
When her father had a serious health scare, Josie's role was clear: be capable, reliable, the one who holds things together. Don't add to the worry.
"I learned that my value is in what I produce," she told me. "And in managing everyone else's emotions."
By the time she was working, this had become automatic. She was actually quite assertive then. She knew how to hold her ground, speak up, take up space. But after she had children and returned to paid work, something shifted. Balancing full-time parenting with a demanding career, something eroded. She found herself reverting to people-pleasing. The confidence she'd once had seemed to dissolve under the weight of managing both roles.
At work, she absorbed stress, said yes to everything, took on projects that weren't hers because they "weren't being handled well." At home, even with support around her, she couldn't ask for help or admit she was struggling.
She kept squishing down, accommodating, absorbing.
But the system noticed. And rewarded it.
Professional Burnout at Work: When Systems Exploit Your Compliance
Once Josie was labeled "helpful" and "reliable," the organisation had found its solution. Her boss would hand her things. Not because there was no one else, but because she'd proven she would take it on. When he needed to communicate with other departments, he'd ask her to do it. She became the go-between, holding tension from both sides.
When she finally broke and was signed off sick, she told her boss what had happened. The exhaustion. The physical symptoms. That she couldn't sustain this pace.
His response? He agreed whole heartedly. This could not continue and she couldn’t hold everything. And then he continued to hand her everything.
This is the part therapy often doesn't address. Yes, Josie had boundary issues. But the system, her manager, her workplace, had actively designed itself around her compliance. And the system wasn't going to change unless she did something different.
The Breaking Point
Josie’s body was speaking loudly: pressure in her chest, locked shoulders, sciatica, a stomach that felt constantly knotty. Her head felt "like a washing machine" spinning fast, with no off switch.
She couldn't enjoy anything. Even things she loved felt like effort. “I just wanted to sit quietly. And just be alone. I didn’t enjoy any of the things I used to”.
Setting Boundaries at Work: The Breakthrough Moment
In therapy, we mapped her patterns using a simple tool. How her belief ("I'm only valuable if I'm managing everything") played out in her body and behavior. Then we tested it against reality. When she said no to something that wasn't her responsibility, what actually happened? Someone else stepped up. Work continued. People didn't hate her. She started to see how she could manage things differently.
But knowing this intellectually is different from acting on it when your boss keeps handing you things.
The real shift came when some months later she was signed off sick again. This time, something changed.
She was leaving the office one day, coat on, heading out. Her boss and colleagues approached with questions, problems, requests. Instead of stopping, she kept walking.
"Send me an email," she said in her usual warm and respectful tone, moving toward the door. "I'll look at it when I can. But I'm leaving now."
She kept walking. They had to follow her.
"It's been immediate and automatic," she told me afterward. "Like something just shifted."
And here's what mattered: the system responded. When she stopped participating in the old dynamic, the system had to change. Her boss began respecting the boundary. Colleagues learned to send emails instead of ambushing her. The go-between role gradually dissolved because she refused to hold it.
She'd found what we'd talked about in therapy: "There's fire inside. I'm always trying to figure things out, but I don't need to work everything out."
The marshmallow was still soft. Still capable of care. But now there was a solid center that wouldn't collapse under pressure because it refused to absorb pressure that wasn't hers to carry.
What's Different Now
Josie is still thoughtful and capable. She continues to be the warm, kind and respectful person she has always been and wants to be. She never wanted to change her core identity.
But she no longer erases herself to prove her value.
She says no. She asks for help. She's learned that her boundaries aren't selfish. They're necessary. And when she enforces them, people adapt.
Most importantly, she learned that changing herself mattered and she had to refuse to participate in a system that was exploiting her.
In one session, I'd asked her: "Where is your anger?" She didn't see herself as an angry person, and the word didn't quite land. But the question sparked something deeper.
She began to reflect on who she'd been before. Before the full-time work of raising her family, before returning to paid work. She'd been assertive then. Sure of herself. Somewhere in the years of managing both roles, she'd lost that edge.
But as she sat with it, she realised something. When she thought about her kids - about protecting them, advocating for them, standing firm on what they needed - she found it. Not anger. But a fierce, protective strength. A mother's instinct. Something solid and armour-like that arose in her.
That was the voice she'd been missing. Not harsh or aggressive. Just steady. Clear. The part of her that already knew how to advocate fiercely for what mattered.
Now, she'd found that voice again. Not just for her children, but for herself. The voice of someone who knows what she will and won't accept.
If you recognise yourself in Josie's story, if you're struggling with professional burnout, if you're the one everyone relies on, if you know you need to set boundaries at work but can't seem to make it stick, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. No pressure. Just a conversation about what's happening and whether CBT might help you understand your patterns and build stronger boundaries.
Sometimes the quiet refusal to keep squishing is exactly what needs to happen.
Thulasi is a BABCP Accredited CBT Therapist and EMDR UK Accredited Practitioner based in Epsom, Surrey. She offers EMDR therapy in-person and online.
